Everything I'm Not
by JA14
Summary: Haley's knows she's not Brooke Davis and Nathan knows too. NB, Songfic


**Disclaimer's Note**: I own nothing.

**Author's Note**: Haley's point of view season 1 before her and Nathan's marriage.

**Everything I'm Not**

**Everything I'm Not - The Veronicas**

_Oh no  
Don't go changing  
That's what you told me from the start_

You told me you liked the way I was and didn't want me to change. I thought you were happy with me. We were a cliché, the bookworm and the captain of the basketball team. Nobody saw us coming but even still they thought of us as the golden couple who could withstand anything. But now I know that everyone was wrong and it just fell apart.

_  
Thought you where something different  
That's when it all just fell apart  
Like you're so perfect  
And I can't measure up  
Well I'm not perfect  
Just all messed up  
_

I remember when I met you, you thought you were unstoppable. You had Peyton but still messed around behind her back with many girls and yet she still stayed with you. You had an ego that couldn't be struck down. You let nobody intimidate you and you made others bow to you. I thought I saw something good in you and gave you a chance but I never thought that you would be the same after so long. Yes, you did change but somehow you were still the same old Nathan.

_  
I was losing myself to somebody else  
But now I see  
I don't wanna pretend  
So this is the end of you and me  
Cause the girl that you want  
She was tearing us apart  
Cause she's everything  
Everything I'm not  
_

I remember when I told you that I loved you and you sat there. I thought you weren't going to say it back and started feeling embarrassed about having said it. Then out of nowhere you said you loved me too and I hugged you so tight that I didn't notice your line of attention. If I had looked up then I would have noticed you looking at Brooke Davis. How could I be so stupid? She was the most popular girl at school and the most gorgeous girl with long dark hair that fell below her shoulders and hazel green eyes that stood out against her light skin and dimples that would make anyone smile with the best body ever.

I didn't think anything of it but now I know I should have. I gave you everything I had, I did what you told me and went with you everywhere but I shouldn't. You always said that I was special and you'd do anything for me but you didn't mean it did you? I should have listened to Lucas telling me that you weren't going to change and that you only used me to get back at him. I didn't because I had faith in you. You probably thought I wouldn't catch on but all the signs were there.

_  
It's not like I need somebody  
Telling me where I should go at night  
Don't worry you'll find somebody  
Someone to tell how to live their life  
Cause your so perfect  
And no one measures up  
Yeah all by yourself  
You're all messed up  
_

I should have known from the beginning. You always stood up for Brooke when people called her the slut of Tree Hill. You would throw guys off her if they tried to get friendly when she was to drunk to realize it. How you got angry when she got with Lucas and fell in love with him. How you would take care of her when she was drunk and passed out. How you always knew where she was in the room or at school. How you would stare at her when no one was looking. Your world practically revolved around her.

_  
I was losing myself to somebody else  
But now I see  
I don't wanna pretend  
So this is the end of you and me  
Cause the girl that you want  
She was tearing us apart  
Cause she's everything  
Everything I'm not  
_

I realized that everything's been a lie. You might say you love me but I don't think we would have gotten together if it wasn't for Brooke. Now that I remember, Brooke was the one who got us together. I was angry at you for Brooke finding the letter I give you after our tutoring session and you didn't even try to make things better. Until Brooke came to you when you were working out and said she was going to fix our relationship. Of course you couldn't refuse Brooke even if you tried.

_  
Now wait a minute  
Because of you  
I never knew all the things that I had  
Hey don't u get it  
I'm not going anywhere with you tonight  
Cause this is my life  
_

I don't regret us being together because I fell in love with you and I'm grateful for that. What I do wish is that you could have loved me the way I love you. You taught me a lot in relationships and I'm glad you were my first boyfriend because you'll always have a special place in my heart.

Leaving your house, I'm grateful because I feel free. I don't have to pretend that you love me or that it tore me inside to know that you're in love with Brooke Davis. It might be over between us but I believe we will remain being friends and that's enough for me. There are no harsh feelings in my heart and I'm not sorry I fell in love with you but I wish it would have been mutual. But right now we both go our seperate ways and maybe that's how it's supposed to be.

_  
I was losing myself to somebody else  
But now I see  
I don't wanna pretend  
So this is the end of you and me  
Cause the girl that you want  
She was tearing us apart  
Cause she's everything  
Everything I'm not  
_

Almost two months later and it's a beautiful day at school. I'm standing by my locker with Lucas and Peyton when you come through the school door but not by yourself but hand in hand with Brooke Davis. You two are the new golden couple; the captain of the basketball team and the head cheerleader, the most beautiful couple to grace the halls of Tree Hill High school. Some would call it a cliché, others would call it destiny. It's not a surprise to me as it is to Lucas or Peyton but I'm happy that you have what you wanted. Because to tell the truth Brooke Davis is everything I'm not.

_  
But now I see  
I don't wanna pretend  
So this is the end of you and me  
Cause the girl that you want  
she was tearing us apart  
Cause she's everything  
Everything I'm not_


End file.
